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“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 (The Message)

Everyone has experienced heartache of some kind in this life.  If you haven’t…wait, you will.  This life is full of heartaches, trials, pain…but it’s also filled with joy, peace, and love.  The latter come from God. He isn’t the One responsible for the pain.  He is responsible for the joy and peace that can occur despite or during the painful experiences.  However, the joy and peace that God gives isn’t automatic.  He wants His children to ask for it.  He wants His children to come to Him and ask to be comforted, rescued, taken care of.  When we humble ourselves and do that, He always delivers.  Every single time.

Am I telling you it’s not okay to get mad at God when bad things happen? No.  But I am asking you to think of God as your Father and to treat Him with the respect, or more, than you would give to your earthly parents.  He’s strong – He can handle respectful anger.  I remember distinctly getting angry at God after our miscarriage and asking Him why He let our baby die.  While He didn’t answer the “why,” He did meet me in the anger and let me know He loved me.

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I never understood the above Bible passage that talks about the peace that passes all understanding, a peace beyond comprehension, until I personally experienced difficulties. When I realized I had to give up control and give my circumstances over to God, it was then that I first experienced true peace.  It’s a peace despite the situation, a peace that is deeper and more calming. It doesn’t leave no matter how hopeless things look around me.  I find, too, that when things are at their worst, God is able to show off with His BEST. And I always give praise where it’s due – to Him.

The last aspect of our loving God is this:  Part of Him giving good things out of pain takes work on our part. Our family has been walking through a painful journey for almost eight years now that began with a painful circumstance all its own. While I believe that one day the journey will have a happy ending, we don’t have an end in sight, yet.  However, God has used both of our situations, in countless different ways, for us to encourage, sympathize, or walk alongside others while they are walking similar paths. The hope and encouragement He has offered us throughout the years give hope and encouragement to others.  When we choose to share the blessings God has given us or share the hope that God will work in another’s situation, that pleases our Father.  That is helping to bring good out of what Satan meant for evil.

Humanly speaking, when terrible things happen, we want someone to blame.  And we need Someone to offer comfort.  All I’m asking is that we realize the truth.  Satan is the one to blame for the evil we experience in this world and God is waiting with open arms to offer us comfort…love….peace.  We will be blessed if we remember which is which.

© Cheri Swalwell

 

 

 

 

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.”

John 3:16-18 (The Message)

 

Today I want to continue our discussion by answering this tough question.  “Is God to blame for the hurt and pain in my life caused by death, disease, accident, or tragedy beyond my control?”

The easy answer is no, but most people want to know why He isn’t to blame when He’s all powerful and can stop the pain from happening to begin with if He just would speak the word.  The answer lies in the verses written above.  I think The Message Bible tells the greatest love story of all time in such beautiful words.  God is LOVE.  Everything about God is loving.  God loved His children so much that He allowed us free will to choose how we were going to live our lives.

Some of His children have chosen to live a life where choices have a negative effect on themselves or a ripple effect that hurts others around them.  School or movie theatre shootings, abortion, chemicals in our environment that cause cancer in our bodies, birth defects, rage, alcoholism…all choices that are a result of sin in this world.

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The world that God originally created was one in which sin didn’t exist.  That was the world God wanted.  One filled with love.  God created human beings to have free will, the ability to make choices for themselves instead of only doing what they are told to do. He didn’t create robots, He created people with the ability to choose a life of obedience to Him or to choose to do things their own way.

It is a mother’s responsibility to lay a good foundation for her children to follow, teach them the difference between right and wrong, and give them opportunities  to build character traits that will help them be successful in life, but ultimately the choices that her children make are theirs.  They choose their own life style and they are responsible for the consequences of their choices.

God gives us the best foundation possible.  Through the Bible He gives many examples of how to do life well. There are also examples of consequences as a result of negative choices.  Because of free will, sin entered the world and bad things happen to all of His children.  No one will be immune to bad things as long as we live on earth.  However, the bad things that happen are a result of sin, a result of Satan, not God.  Our Father is waiting with open arms and the Bible tells us in Psalm 56:8 (The Message) that God has “kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”

You might wonder, “How can you say that? How do you know He isn’t waiting to punish me, but instead that He wants to comfort me?  You don’t know what I’ve been through.”  You’re right – I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I can tell you through my experience what God has done for me. As I love to say, what He’s willing to do for one, He wants to do for everyone.  Join me next time as we conclude these thoughts.

© Cheri Swalwell

 

“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.” Psalms 56:8 (The Message)

 

Last time we were together, we talked about how mothers are sometimes falsely accused for the choices their children make.  I wanted to talk today about how I think society is quick to falsely accuse God for the pain of this world as well.

Why is it when a child is abused, a fire claims the life of an entire family, or someone succumbs to cancer – God is the One who gets angry fists raised at Him? Is it because people agree that He is the Creator of the Universe and therefore has the power to stop bad things from happening?  Is it because they believe He is the Master and we are just puppets, made to do His will without our own voice?

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Well, the following are my thoughts. God was the very first parent…ever.  As I talked yesterday, while it’s a mother’s job to teach and train a child properly, setting good examples, and providing a loving, nurturing environment, ultimately it’s the child’s choice whether or not he or she decides to follow the examples and stay within the boundaries that the mother places on him or her.  The same can be said of mankind and our interaction with God.

God provides the best instruction manual we could ever ask for – the Bible – which provides us with all the help we need to live an abundant, joy-filled life.  In it He provides countless instructions of how He expects us to handle finances, relationships, parenting, work, and leisure time.  He provides many examples, through Jesus living on earth for thirty three years, of how to interact with others, how to pray and fellowship with Him, how to handle difficulties, pain, trials, etc.

However, while God provides all these things, we still have free will.  We are free to choose to follow His directions and live a life with joy and peace despite the trials and pain we face. We are also free to choose our own path and not only have hurt and pain in our own lives but willingly or unwillingly inflict pain to those we love around us as well as create a ripple effect with complete strangers or future generations.

While this answers the question of who is responsible for the choices we make in our own lives, it doesn’t necessarily answer the question of, “Is God to blame for the hurt and pain in my life caused by death, disease, accident, or tragedy beyond my control?”

Let’s come back next time and discuss that important question.

© Cheri Swalwell

 

“Point your kids in the right direction—     when they’re old they won’t be lost.” Proverbs 22:6 (The Message)

Why is it that society seems to be quick to blame the mother when problems arise with children?  If a child suffers from obesity, the mother is accused of not offering healthy choices, visiting fast food restaurants too often, or not exhibiting will power in her own life, providing a poor role model for her child to follow.  If a child fails a subject in school, the mother is looked at as not helping with homework, accused of not reading to her child every night, or not being involved in the PTA or other school programs to help foster that relationship between school and home.  If a child gets in trouble with the law, has sex outside of marriage, or participates in any form of illegal activity, the mother’s parenting style is questioned at some point in the discussion.

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While I firmly believe that parents, mothers and fathers, have a huge responsibility when it comes to parenting each and every child they have been blessed with, I don’t believe the “blame” or consequences of each child’s decisions rest firmly on his or her parents’ shoulders.  As parents, we are held to a high standard. To raise our children to be productive members of society.  To teach character traits such as kindness, honesty, integrity, a strong work ethic, and self control to name but a few.  And, I also believe that children come into this world helpless, unable to provide for themselves and need a loving, nurturing environment in which to thrive, where their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are consistently met.

All children are born with free will.  Even little ones, while helpless in many ways, are in charge of three major aspects of their life:  If/when they will eat, sleep, and eliminate.  No matter how healthy the food presented is, how quiet and dark the environment is, or how much encouragement is given to eliminate toxins from his or her system, if a child doesn’t want to eat, doesn’t want to sleep, or doesn’t want to use the bathroom, there isn’t anything a parent (or any other caregiver) can do about it.  The child is in control.

As a child gets older, the control over activities, food choices, and other important elements of his or her life continues to increase as he or she spends less time under the direct supervision of parents and more time with friends, pursuing passions, or in a learning environment.  While parents are responsible for setting a good example from an early age, ultimately the child is responsible for the choices he or she makes.

Come back next time as I continue my thoughts on how falsely blaming the mother for the choices a child makes is just as wrong as falsely blaming God for the pain of this world.

© Cheri Swalwell

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

 

Grace was my word from God for 2014. This was the second year I had asked and received a word from God and this time, I was ready to put some work into figuring out what the word He gave me meant and doing my part to learn what He wanted me to learn.

Today, while letting my mind wander, I realized another lesson that God had been trying to show me all year. I need to extend grace to everyone. Before you think I’m super mean and stingy with my kindness, let me explain:

I have a friend who has been dealing with a rough situation for years….that’s right, years. God has been showing me that my role in this friendship isn’t to try and fix anything, but just to be supportive, staying out of the way so God has time to work without me butting in. My job is to show grace. Now…showing this person grace is easy. Really easy. We’re close enough and have years of past experiences behind us that grace comes second nature to me with this person.

However, God used my relationship with this friend to open my eyes that I have a child who needs the same grace I willingly give to my friend given to as well. It was a series of different messages that God gave me over a few week span that made me realize a few things. I was falsely under the assumption that I had to be “tough” and hold my boundaries firm or my kids will think I’m easily manipulated and they will take advantage of me. I also falsely assumed that what my child was experiencing was just a growing pain and would eventually disappear or lessen. Well, whether or not the latter is the case, God showed me what my role as this child’s mother truly is, and grace is at the center.

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The first thing God reminded me of was this: All of my children are different. They learn differently, they think differently, and they respond to the same “direction” differently. I was listening to Family Life today regarding intentional parenting and one example given during that program was how one child responded better to “we” commands. He was relational and therefore, when the parent offered to come alongside and help with the task, the response was much better. It is not giving in or backing down by coming along your child (my false assumption) – it was responding with grace to the way the child is wired and showing him love while teaching the life skill.

The second reminder God gave me was this: He showed me in a different book, Simplified, that when an area of a person’s life is stressful, it affects the whole person. Instead of being energized and having more to give, the person is drained of energy and has nothing left to give, even for fun, re-energizing activities. While this book was talking about adults and job situations, the same theory could be applied to children. We have a child going through a stressful period that has lasted a few years. I figured as the parent I needed to keep encouraging and pushing because “this is the real world,” and everyone needs to learn to deal with the real world eventually.

However, God opened my eyes through my friend’s experience to teach me that even though I have to instill boundaries and teach life skills to each of my children, we have three kids in our house and each one learns and responds differently. I needed to show one child in particular more grace…on a continual basis. Coming alongside and offering a “we” situation wasn’t being manipulated, it was being loving. Cutting some slack so our child could reenergize after a particularly trying day wasn’t babying, it was showing grace. Reading through the harsh words and seeing the heart behind the frustrated speech wasn’t excusing behavior…it was showing that our child is still valued and loved even when he or she feels unlovable.

As much as I’m continually praying that my friend’s situation will soon change for the better, I’m almost glad I’ve been invited to walk this journey as God used it as the final element to open my eyes to ways I needed to show grace in my parenting.

Parenting is hard – I know just because God has revealed the direction He wants me to take in parenting I won’t always get it right. As long as I begin to err on the side of grace instead of boundaries and rules, I’ll be learning what God is teaching me…using His grace.

Grace doesn’t mean excusing behavior…grace means despite the behavior, you are loved!

© Cheri Swalwell 2014

Hope During Heartache: 

True Stories of Emotional Healing from Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Death of a Child

Available at:  Amazon – amzn.to/1sKLduh

(Paperback and eBook)

 Hope During Heartache

I’m in the Christmas spirit, so decided to continue the special price until January 2015. Now’s the time to get a copy for your friend who just needs HOPE!

Special price of $10.47 from now until January 1st for paperback.  

Still great price of $4.97 for Kindle

 

As one reviewer stated on Amazon, “I finally understand! I finally get it!!!…I…listened to her story and was sad with her, but did not fully understand…the loss of a child until I read this book. I now am able to feel how very difficult it is to lose a child due to a miscarriage, still birth or death after birth.” By Happy Mama

 

Here is a chance for you to offer the gift of hope to a hurting friend or loved one this Christmas.  Whether that special person in your life has lost a child years ago or recently, this book may help them realize they aren’t alone.

Higher Perspective

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25 (NIV)

I was softly listening to the radio this morning, enjoying the quiet of the house and patter of rain outside the window…a perfect day for baking. I don’t remember the specific song but the words being sung allowed my mind to travel to the day when I stand before God on Judgment Day and will have to give an account of my life – all that I’ve done and not done.

In the past when I’ve thought about this topic, it’s always been with fear. I’ve talked many times about my perception of God being a Judge, ready to punish me for all the sinful thoughts, actions, etc. that I’ve committed over the years. The Bible even tells us in Romans 14:12: “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” (NIV)

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However, this time my thoughts didn’t stay there. I envisioned walking forward and actually seeing the God of the Universe seated on a huge throne in front of me. Suddenly I was overwhelmed and spoke with tears streaming down my face: “God, I’m so sorry for all those times I didn’t speak up because I was embarrassed or didn’t want people to make fun of me. I chickened out of sharing Your love with someone because of what they may think or I might be accused of being a ‘goody-goody.’ I claimed to love You with all my heart and I told You repeatedly I would do anything for You, but I failed You more often than not.”

Head hanging down, kneeling in front of my Daddy, I continued to cry.

God ever so gently took His hand and lifted My face so I could see into His eyes. “My child, I didn’t ask you to be perfect. I asked you to love Me with your whole heart. Every time you loved others, you loved Me.”

My mind slowly drifted to the many times I had listened and allowed Him to speak His love to others through my hands and feet: baking banana bread for a friend who only asked for the recipe; giving another loaf away as a thank you to another as a way of saying ‘your help was so appreciated;’ Hershey kisses in lunch boxes; an encouraging email to a discouraged friend; financial help or hand-me-down clothes when budgets and unexpected expenses stretch the meager income too far.

While the above verse is true and we will have to stand before God someday and explain why we did (or didn’t do) certain things, those who call God “Daddy,” have an advantage. Jesus stands in between God and us, saying, I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25 (NIV) Because we accepted Jesus into our heart and became a bone fide member of God’s family, our sins are erased, remembered no more. I can stand boldly before God with Jesus as a barrier between my sin and God. I am free from the condemnation and guilt that would come from having my sins laid out in front of me.

Even though this conversation only occurred inside my head, I know that someday I will be standing before God. My imagination gave me something to think about. I know that I’ll continue to make mistakes and disappoint God with my actions, but I pray that I will begin to care less about what others might think of me and instead keep the higher perspective of showing God’s love to others every chance I get.

© Cheri Swalwell 2014

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